The Walking Dead Giveth and The Internet Taketh

The Walking Dead is an odd duck.  I mean, thank God America finally got its act together and provided the world with a zombie TV show.  Instead of trying to watch the world fall apart, establish the survivors’ personalities, throw in some sex and conflict, and have all of your survival plans go to shit all in two hours or less, we get to follow these people weekly.  It gives it time to breathe, time for character development, blah, blah.  Also, MORE CARNAGE.

But seeing these people weekly also exposes just how underdeveloped, annoying, hollow, etc all of these characters can be.  It reveals the inconsistency in the writing of these people, and stretches the believability of the world when someone like CAROL OF ALL PEOPLE is somehow still alive in Season 3.  Although, to be fair, at least she’s no longer the meek wife who gets beat, or the grieving mother.  Now, she’s just a dirty old sexpot.

And oh my God, did The Walking Dead experience some growing pains.  Sure, when it first came out in 2010, the comic world rejoiced.  Finally, this incredible tomb of zombiedom would be realized in a more visual media.  Michonne!  The Governor!  Live and in color.  It was all I could do not to masturbate in a crowded living room on that fateful Halloween night.

They hated to see me like that. And they hated how I always wanted to cuddle after…

I think the fact that this show existed at all allowed most fans to overlook a few of the stinker moments in Season 1, including the infuriatingly ludicrous “Vatos”.   We wanted it to be good SOOO bad we fought through the filler, and the T-Bags of the show.  Because I mean, come on, there’s no way that son of a bitch is making it to Season 2.

The problem was that of all the networks to give the show a chance, the beloved AMC ended up being the home for TWD.  So while they would throw an occasional bone to us gore fans, they also spent an awful lot of time talking, trying to develop some sort of existential crisis or something like that.  Trying to be a prestige show really started to rub some uber fans the wrong way.  Also, this whole thing

Where’s Rick? I wanna whisper a secret to him…

And then Season Two happened…


To be fair, I recently rewatched Season Two marathon style, and it seems a lot less meandering when you just power through it in a few days.  It’s ALMOST good television (or maybe I’m just defending it again).  Also, DARYL MOTHERFUCKING DIXON, THE MOST BADASS DUDE EVER PEOPLE:

Oh, right. Sorry, I’ll keep my voice down and get back to the article.

But when they were released, the internet exploded.  It provided great laughs, for sure, including these…



In other words, the greatest thing to ever happen to my work day.  I lived a double life, simultaneously despising the show during the day, reading all of this hilarious stuff cutting the show off at the knees.  And then, sadly… Every sunday night I would huddle up on the couch alone, trying to will the show to be good through the television.


What’s funny is with all of this hate pouring out from the triple dub, TWD was pulling in massive ratings.  It was the highest rated cable show in the history of boob tub age.  Actually, it wasn’t funny at all.  It made me feel like I was watching the cable equivalent of Two and a Half Men.  Oh, God… What have I become…

I can smell the sex puns from this picture. It smells like America

It depressed me.  The last few episodes of the season picked up steam, and built some momentum.  I held out hope that maybe, just maybe this ship could be righted.  There was a glimpse of the prison, and look!  There’s Michonne with her two “pets”!  It’s all happening now…  But would the internet forgive the atrocities TWD had committed?  I waited with baited breath, or something similarly poetic and awkward.

While we couldn’t get them all back, because some people had seriously just had enough of that shit, TWD did get back one key demographic with Season 3’s premiere:  THE INTERNET!!,139/

I feel so proud, watching a Zombie show that finally realized it’s potential.  If you have a sick day, use it.  Power through the bullshit of Seasons 1 and 2, just so you know who people are and stuff, then come back to the fold.  Because it’s so fuckin on now.  My baby’s all growed up!

– Stephen


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