Workaholics is coming…

Workaholics returns to Comedy Central on May 29th, and to celebrate the return of the most brilliantly dumb comedy I have ever seen, I’ve created a glossary of terms that you will come to know and love.  If you watch, that is.  You probably won’t, because the ratings aren’t great.  And you’re busy, what with your relationships and cleaning and The Bachelor or some shit like that.  BUT YOU TOTALLY SHOULD, YOU GUYS.

“Let’s Get Weird”

Translation:  Hey, we’re good friends who are comfortable in our friendship and our bodies.  Let’s be open to the experiences of life and embrace spontaneity.

“Tight Butthole”

Translation:  Hey, that thing you did / thing you said / thing you are wearing / situation you have presented?  I find that to be after my own tastes.  Kudos.

not to scale replica

“Loose Butthole”

Translation:  Ooh, I do not approve of that thing you did / thing you said / thing you are wearing / situation you have presented.  I find it unpleasant, like a loose butthole.

“S’GO”

Translation:  Let’s leave this current setting to attend to more pressing matters / disengage from this particular scenario.

“Boy Scout Rule of D’s”

Translation:  I seem to have visually encountered your penis.  This has caused you great discomfort and has brought imbalance to the world.  I will now show you my penis, so the scales of justice have been balanced.  We will become closer because of this experience.

“Ohhh I like Thyaaattttt”

Translation:  OK, don’t be retarded.  Some of these are pretty self-explanatory.

“Half Christmas”

Translations:  A Holiday celebrated at the halfway point between two Christmases.  You’re not even trying to figure these out at this point, are you?  *Sigh*

“Pizza Shrapnel”

Translations:  A dangerous side effect of violent food fights and follicle sabotage.  Not to be mistaken for Piece of Shrapnel.

Adam always had issues with social norms, including the high five

“Garage”

Translation:  Latin for go rage.

We hope to see you at Temple this week.

“The Ders”

Translation:  The alter ego of Anders Holmviq.  A violent, misogynistic animal who disregards societies rules.  He will place you in harm’s way… possible to a Seven Mary Three record.

“I love the ders. and you love the ders. last time we partied with the ders we went to seven mary three, he got us backstage!’
“he headbutted a female security guard, bumrushed the stage and dedicated a song to his dad!”
“yeah, and that song was cumbersome. and it meant a lot to all of us at the time.”

“Jetset”

Translation:  The most debonair telemarketer you will ever meet.  Just don’t ask him to take off his headphones.

“I Don’t Carry Cash With Me, I Just Charge It To The Game”

Translation:  I’m a baller with poor money management skillz.

“Fully Torqued”

Translation:  Raging Boner.

two penises enter, one penis leaves…

“Pre In My Pants”

Translation:  It happens to a lot of guys, JULIE.

Ok, so there you have it.  You’re all caught up and won’t have to ask what they’re referencing every time they say something.  I’m looking at you, Brian.  JUST FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF, GOD!

-Stephen

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